VENGEFUL
PEOPLE

You see the poor gent was getting phone calls at 4 a.m., asking for pizza. Obviously the calls were meant for the pizza shop, but the court felt that the inconvenience didn't justify the man recording a message on his answering machine that said, "This is Papa Don's Pizza Shop. We're Sorry, but we've been closed down by the Health Department..."

The British Military writes OFRs (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206s"....

• His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
• I would not breed from this officer.
• This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
• When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
• He would be out of his depth in a car-park puddle.
• Technically sound, but socially impossible.
• This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope -- always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
• This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
• When he joined my ship, this officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
• This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
• Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
• She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
• He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
• This Officer should go far -- and the sooner he starts, the better.
• In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
• This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
• The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
• Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.