We continue our outline with some more common reservations about forgiving...
Unreserved Forgiveness (Part 2)
5 Some of us want to forgive but not to forget.
There is a temptation to remember the wrongs we have forgiven others and to reserve the right to hold them against the wrongdoer again later.
"Love does not keep account of a wrong suffered"(1Co 13:5).
When God forgives, he forgets. "Their sins and iniquities I will remember no more"(Heb 8:12 sv)
Of course we are only human, and the more severe a wrong is, and the more lasting its effects, the harder it is to forget. That is hardly our fault. But one can learn to suffer the hurt without holding a grudge.
6 Some of us want to forgive our friends but not our enemies.
Forgiveness does not sit well in a double standard.
Jesus said, "Love your enemies" not just your family and friends (Mtt 5:43-48).
James says, "If you show partiality you are committing sin"(Jas 2:9).
7 Some of us want to forgive only if the sin is repented of.
There is a place for this condition or reservation "...if he repents forgive him..."(Lke 17:3-4). Note: A related passage (Mtt 18:21-22) omits this condition, and multiplies the "seven times" to seventy times seven. We use the additive principle here. We don't subtract from one verse what is omitted in the other, but rather add to one verse what is supplied in the other.
"Remove him from your midst" is said of the unrepentant (1Co 5:2,12,2-12)—but of the repentant and contrite wrongdoer it is said, "Forgive and comfort him"(2Co 2:6-8).
Those verses are not teaching an "unconditional forgiveness" that is sometimes urged upon us by well-meaning preachers and counsellors as though we are bound to forgive even when the wrongdoer is unrepentant. Rather, these verses teach that the onus is on the wrongdoer to repent, and then if he or she does, the victim ought to forgive.
However there are three circumstances when this reservation is inappropriate...
1. When a wrong committed was unintentional. Why cause more hurt by drawing attention to the wrong? Treat it as "...a sin not unto death..."(1Jn 5:15-17). Jesus demonstrated this principle on the cross. "Father forgive them for they know not what they do"(Lke 23:34).
2. When the offender is unrepentant and cannot be brought to account for his wrong. In this case don't hold on to the hurt. Let it go to "your Keeper"(Psa 121:1-8,Jude 1:9,Rom 12:19). In this case you don't have to put yourself in the way of more harm if you can avoid it.
3. When the wrong us unresolvable—it would cause more trouble than it is worth to bring a person to account. A wrongdoer may even be taking advantage of this. In such cases, "Why not rather be wronged?"(1Co 6:7). Some times the best outcome is through just silently suffering the wrong, putting it behind you, and getting on with your life. Don't get caught up in a game stacked against you. Simply withdraw.
In these three cases just noted, you can forgive independently of any discussion with the wrongdoer. The purpose is that your own heart might be comforted (2Th 2:16-17,2Th 3:1-6).
